Luck'-ill-luck'

I wrote my first blog as an undercover agent for a secret society in my college. My assignment required me to write an incisive article on a topic that would offend a class of people and then give seething reply to their comments. Well, what can I say, I did a great job and the article was loved by the very people it was meant to get under the nerves of. Needless to say the operation was a success but my writing career didn’t see the great heights it was meant to. As luck would have it .. I am back !

I know the millions and millions of readers who devour each and every word of each and every blog are waiting with bated breaths to know what brings me back. No it’s not another secret mission and no, I am not intent on hurting the sentiments of any section of people this time.

I am here because I am living in a time where my life is devoid of any gainful obsession, addiction or .. routine. For 20+ yrs life has kept me at my toes and this time of much longed for solitude is now a nemesis, or so I assume. “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop”, probably wins hands down in the contest for the most clichéd phrase, but I am amazed at the amount of truth that lies in this brevity. Lack of focus on one thing has let my mind wander aimlessly in thousand directions. The outcome; A concoction of thoughts, dreams, visions and reality. Is that bad? Now that is the question that I am trying to answer.

This time of non occupation has presented itself like a blank canvass to me which I can paint the way I want to. There is no restriction of time and space. There is no expectation of order or pattern. This has stimulated my mind in ways I didn’t know it could be. I have broken the assumptions and premises and asked the most quintessential questions about life and searched for answers. The way the answers have evolved has been almost therapeutic. My time in my hands is like a magician’s hat, each time I put my hand in, I take out a new idea to analyze, a new topic to read about, a new guitar tablature to play, a new way to budget, a new dinner recipe, a new business proposition, a new investment plan, a new way to decorate my home, a new theme to write on … the list goes on …

But then there is the cloud to the silver lining. There are still these nagging questions - Am I making the best use of my time? Is being happy in the moment what we look for in life or are my actions adding up for one big climax? Am I best managing my resources so as to secure my future? Is the thought about future dependable enough to waste my present fretting? Will I be able to reap something from this time I am spending now? Am I supposed to reap something from something? Or am I here merely to do my Karma? What is my Karma? Should I detach myself from the world around me and try to realize my oneness with the world? Or should I let myself be engulfed by every single sensation in order to live it in the most fulfilling way? Should I spend time pondering on these questions or should I just shrug them aside and go about my daily chores?

So am I lucky to have this time when I can focus my latent energies on learning and knowledge acquisition, discover my hidden talents or sharpen my acumen for the time when I will need it. OR am I unlucky for getting caught in destructive spiral of self doubt, frustrating existential questions and lack of concrete answers.

The more I think about this cognitive dissonance, the more pronounced it gets. And while I am actively caught in this maze I am also watching it with a detached amusement and quipping about it.

So until my tormented soul finds peace (uh .. well .. not by way of nearing my creator but by finding my way out of this dilemma) I shall continue to write …